Nerd Lunch Wives: What Makes a Good Nerd Wife?

And so this series of posts written by the Nerd Lunch Wives comes to a close. An impressive series to be sure. My fear now is that they are going to go off and start their own blog that will put ours to shame. Or maybe instead, we can entice them to grace us with their presence again someday. For now, enjoy this final post in the series by the lovely Mrs. CT. – CT

 

My favorite shows are Farscape and Firefly. I’ve seen every episode of ST:TNG, DS9, B5, Buffy, Angel, BSG and Red Dwarf. I heart Matt Smith (but David Tennant is a close second). I’ve read hundreds of comics. For our most recent anniversary I suggested going to see X-Men: First Class and really enjoyed it. Is it because I’m a nerd? Not really (well, maybe a little). Mainly it’s because I’m a good — dare I say, excellent — nerd wife.

What makes a good nerd wife??

First, let me say that I’ve grown into my role. Fifteen-year-old Janay was NOT interested in Sci-Fi. At. All. But she was very interested in CT. When he asked me if I wanted to read his comics I thought, sure, why not? I cared more about impressing him than what my friends might think of me. Now that I reflect on it, I’m pretty impressed with my younger self. I was already showing signs of the most important part of being a good nerd wife — respect his interests.

Now, you don’t have to love everything your nerd is into, but you certainly shouldn’t belittle it. Let him be himself. There is no reason for him to be ashamed, embarrassed or need to hide his nerdy interests from you, and no reason for you to have those feelings about him. He needs to be free to pursue what he likes.

Beyond respect for his interests, what your nerdy husband wants is a friend that comes along side him. And that friend should be you! Sit and watch the movies and TV shows he watches. Tag along on shopping excursions when he’s hunting for action figures. Attend at least one convention. Wear a Wonder Woman shirt, but no need to invest in a Wonder Woman costume. (Well, unless he wants you to.)

Sometimes he wants you beside him, other times he wants to be with his buddies. Give him time to hang out with his friends (whether in person or virtually through the internet) WITHOUT feeling guilty. There was a time period in our lives recently where EVERYTHING was a challenge (work, grad school, baby) and the nerd stuff was one of the only thing that gave him an outlet and brought him joy. How could I not let him spend free time pursuing his likes?

So how does this work for me? Well, thankfully in the Venn diagram of our movie/TV interests there is a huge overlap, so I can easily be his couch buddy. I show interest and make conversation. I read the blog, I listen to the podcasts. I click “like” on facebook. But I don’t comment on everything, I certainly don’t want to be obnoxious!

I’m not the biggest twitter user, but I do follow several of the nerds/geeks that CT has gotten to know. I don’t chime in, but I can (mostly) follow their conversations and be somewhat knowledgeable later in the day when CT recounts his funny twitter moments. Girls, if you want to have long conversations with your husband you have to know something about his interests!

If he wants to host a comic book convention in your house, dress up the kids and play the part of an annoyed wife. It’s not that difficult! 🙂

If he wants to produce a web series, don’t get in a huff when he finds a *perfect* co-host (and it’s not you). Let him soar with a new project and do your part to support him behind the scenes.

Listen. Try your hardest to care about every single new G.I. Joe purchased. But don’t feel guilty if you can’t keep up with the names or how many variations of Snake Eyes he owns… I mean seriously, COME ON!

What are the benefits of being a good nerd wife? Well, when you spread your horizons you just might discover you actually *like* some of it. You’ll energize your husband by caring about his interests and in turn, he just might care about yours. If you don’t criticize or analyze how he spends his blow money, then he might not care how much fabric you buy. If you read his blog, he just might read yours. And if you tell him what you like about his most recent podcast, he just might smile at you when you show him your most recent embroidery project. Hey, he may even ask you to make awesome gifts for crazy people you don’t even know and all of a sudden babies in Canada are wearing your custom creations. There’s no telling what can happen when you let your nerd just be a nerd. Give it a try!